Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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