I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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