I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
