How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Too much gin, very little bucket
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
