He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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