I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
