Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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