Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
