all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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