Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
