i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
