I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
