Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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