you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dignity is for republicans.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
