You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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