And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
