i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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