He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
