I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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