its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
