there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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