Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
