i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
