He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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