Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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