The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
