Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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