god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
