That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
