We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I CAN MOONWALK!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
