they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
