never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
