Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
