operation harelip BJ is a go
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
