quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
