Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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