How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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