HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
