i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
