is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
