Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
