i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't turn off my feet"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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