Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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