There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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