textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
