"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
