porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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