Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
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then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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