I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
