Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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