i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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