You really coming over, don't trick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
