got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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