just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sex in a hospital.. check
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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