why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
