I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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