Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
