I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
