He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
