Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
