if i can run in heels then i can drive
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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