omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
