I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
