I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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