Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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