i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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