i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
