The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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