While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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