I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
