I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
