not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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