Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
