All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
