Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
