Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it's like iHOP with fire
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
