someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
