Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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